Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

– Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

[Author’s note: below is a short story attempting to answer Douglas Adams’ question.  I’d like readers to ponder whether Adams’ question is correct, and, if we use it, how we can decide the dispute between the main character and John.]

I’d never had a place where I could keep a garden.  When I was house-hunting, I looked closely at the back yards to see if they could support a decent garden.  That was the big selling point for me with the house on Dent Street: the back yard.  About thirty feet behind the house there was a rather large patch that no tree covered and where no rocks infested the soil.  It seemed like a perfect place to plant my garden.

Shortly after I moved in, I went to work.  I planted tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, and squash.  I added lettuce on the inside to give it a little more leafy diversity, and planted tulips on the outside edges to keep away rabbits.  One year later, my garden looked great.  It was beautiful – not in a sappy kind of way, but in a simple way that didn’t need any artifice to justify it.  It was just … beautiful.

Then one day my neighbor John decided to improve my garden by running his roto-tiller all over it.  I was at work at the time, or I would have said something.

When I came home, John was putting the finishing touches on his “improvements”.  All my vegetables had been either cut down or pulled up and mashed into a pulp.  The tulips were all crushed and massacred.  He’d turned my garden into a Jackson Pollock panting.  It was terrible.

“What the hell are you doing?” I screamed at him as I ran towards the remains of my beautiful garden.

“What?” yelled John over the rumbling of his roto-tiller.  He turned the machine off and repeated his question.

“My garden!” I said.  “What have you done to my garden?”

“I improved it,” John said.  “It was this boring, orderly mess.  Everything was kept in separate rows.  All the colors were imprisoned.  There was no life there.  Now the colors are free to roam and do whatever they want.  Now your garden is beautiful.”

“What?” I said, momentarily at a loss for words.  “It took me over a year to make that garden.  I … I’m going to have to start all over again now.”

“Why would you want to start again?” John asked.  “Just leave it the way it is.  It’s beautiful now.  If you changed it, you would ruin the beauty of it.”

“How can you say this is beautiful?  It looks like a hundred vegetarians threw up.  It’s disgusting.”

“What are you talking about?” John asked, an incredulous look on his face.  “This is free.  Your old garden was a tragedy of bourgeois, conservative values – everything in its place, neat and tidy and repressed.  This is fresh and exciting.  There are no boring categories or isolating preconceptions smuggled into the structure.  This is the only kind of thing that is beautiful.”

“This isn’t beautiful, you idiot,” I said, struggling to restrain myself from punching John in the face.  “It’s a mess.  What I had before was beautiful, and you’ve ruined it.”

“Who are you to say what’s beautiful?” asked John.  “Now I don’t even know why I wasted my time.  You obviously have some crypto-fascist concept of beauty or you’d have no problem with this masterpiece I just made for you.”

“I have a problem with you destroying my property,” I said.

“See!” said John, wearing an almost feral expression of vindication.  “There you go again.  It’s not about beauty, is it?  It’s about materialism and bourgeois values.” His mouth twisted in distaste.  “I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.  You’re clearly hopeless.”

“You’re crazy,” I said.  And I called the police.